Congratulations to...myself
In order for you to understand how far I've come, I have to first set the stage a little bit. I was very shy when I was younger, and for the most part have gotten over it. But that doesn't change the fact that I have always kind of hated certain social events. Ones where I specifically know that I will probably be uncomfortable. Obviously, if you know that beforehand, your instinct would be to avoid that situation at all costs, right? The best example that I can think of to illustrate how far I would go to avoid these situations would be in 7th grade.
Picture, if you will, first dance of the year, during school hours. Most kids would be stoked to get out of class for an hour and just hang out in the gym. Um...not me! I was dreading this event. All I could picture was standing around, feeling awkward, having no one ask me to dance, etc. Whether this would have been the case or not is completely beside the point. There were two choices: go to the dance, or go to study hall. I chose study hall. And let's see...I think there were maybe three other kids in there as well. Pretty dorky, right? My list of insecure stories could go on and on.I won't bore you with the gory details. Thankfully, I can look back now and laugh at the patheticness of it all. The point is, last week I realized that I had reached a critical milestone.
I was at a concert with my friend Heidi, when she got sick and had to leave. Again, I was faced with some choices: leave with Heidi, or stay? The concert was amazing and I was totally having a great time. So I stayed. There I was, standing in the middle of a sea of random people, totally alone and totally loving it. Thoughts of 7th grade study hall flashed in my brain and I had to just smile and congratulate myself. Could it be, 15+ years later, that I am finally secure with myself? That statement may be jumping the gun just a bit, but I have come a long way. And for that, I am grateful.
6 comments:
Tia, congrats on your security success!! I look up to you, and hope to become as secure as you one day. Now I just rely on Koll to keep me from getting into, or getting me out of an awkward situation.
T...I seriously have mixed feelings reading this post. I still remember you going to study hall and me trying desperately to convince you come to the dance, for my own selfish insecure reasons. I remember the past all too well. But at the same time it is hard to believe that was ever you. The most popular loved girl, I dare say on the planet.
I so wish I was at the concert with you for the rescue, though apparently you didn't need it after all. And selfishly I am still ticked off how it all went down thus my absence. Next time!
Tia - You are so darling! I have to tell you that after I saw you at the jazz game last night, I turned to the friend I was with and said, "She was the nicest person I knew in highschool."
Serioulsy true.
Good to keep up with you at least through blogging world.
Jenny
Man, can I relate...I have never seen a movie by myself, partly because of lack of opportunity, but as I get older, I realize that I'm completely fine with my own company and don't need the flock like I used to.
Good for you T-doggy Dawg! Reading your feelings gave me the butterflies remembering how nerve wracking and horrible junior high dances were for me. I don't think we had the study hall option - - i would have been there!! I was so shy growing up and I think I've mostly grown out of it, but every once in a while I relapse and get those scary feelings all over again. Eww.
Tia, you are so cute!! I didn't know this about you. I'm so impressed that you stayed. Don't know that I could have done it, but I agree you sort of get over being alone as you get older. Glad you are back on the blogging train!
Jane
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